Misdirection
by fitz88
Summary: A series of Shikatema random one/two shots with a common theme. R n R
1. Chapter 1

Shikamaru woke up in a world of pain. His head ached, his cheeks stung, his neck stiff, his ribs felt broken, his jaw felt numb, and his right hand felt like a thousand hot needles were stuck on it. He groans, tries his best to re-organize the flood of memories that comes pouring through his now conscious mind and fails miserably.

He lets out a startled yelp as someone slaps his right cheek.

"Oh, you're awake."

He opens one bleary eye, immediately regretting the action.

_Should have stayed unconscious, he thought._

In front of him stood one of the most troublesome women he knew. Temari.

"What happened to me?" Shikamaru rasps, his voice sounding odd, unused and dry.

Temari looks at him, a thoughtful expression on her haggard face. She then takes a seat in a pallet next to him, and places a plate of delightful smelling mush in her lap.

"An enemy nin, impersonating one of ours, attacked you. Your right hand was impaled by one of his poisoned kunais, you broke 3 ribs when you fell from that tree you were on when you took the hit. You were lucky you didn't break your neck. You were unconscious after the fall, and we took you to one of the med tents. You've been asleep for 12 hours." She said, a look of concern gracing her features.

Shikamaru sighed. He gave her a nod of thanks and took in his surroundings.

They were inside one of the larger med tents. A dozen pallets occupied by injured nin, several of them empty, including the one Temari was sitting on.

"How are we holding up?" he queries, looking at injured nins, hoping he wouldn't see anyone he recognized. He rubs his cheek thoughtfully, he glances at her, "Did you slap me?"

She gives him a wide toothed grin and shrugs.

"About a dozen casualties in our division, dozen more injured, we're fine." She pauses, glancing at the plate on her lap. "It's 7 in the evening, and everyone's eating supper, I thought I'd be nice and bring you some."

"Thanks." He says, his stomach grumbling at the sight and smell of food. "What is it?"

"I have no idea." She smiles. "Tastes like boiled leather. I did season it with salt and pepper though, so it should be tolerable."

"Yum. Smells delicious." he says, voice sounding oddly sincere. _Weeks of war rations can do that to you I guess, Shikamaru thought glumly._ Shikamaru sits up, facing Temari, and starts looking for a spoon. Spotting one in Temari's hand, he reaches for it, only to be slapped away.

"You're shaking. You haven't eaten in, what, two days? You're right hand's a mess, and your left is trembling like a leaf. I'll feed you." She says, face haughty and imperious.

He gapes at her, unbelieving. Sputters like a fish out of water before finally saying,

"Are you mad? Do I look like some invalid to you? Just give me the damn spoon." He reaches for her hand and takes another attempt at the spoon.

"No." she leans away, smiling. Eyes looking at him with mischief.

"Stop being so troublesome, woman. I'm hungry." He sighs and sits back, waiting for an opening.

"Then let me feed you. You're the one who's being troublesome." She takes the spoon and dips it in the plate. Leans in and aims for his mouth. "Say ahh"

Shikamaru grabs her right hand with his left and prevents her from spoon feeding him. He tries to take away the spoon but Temari deftly avoids his prying fingers and kicks his shin.

"Ow! What is wrong with you! Damn, I hate it when you're bored." Shikamaru mutters while rubbing his shin, he scowls at her darkly.

"Stop whining, crybaby, I know you're hungry. Just be a good boy and let me feed you." She tells him, barely hiding the laughter in her voice. She holds the plate in front of his nose and teases him. Temari knows she's won this round as she hears Shikamaru's stomach grumble.

"There are a dozen injured nins in this tent and several med nins walking around. It would be embarrassing, Temari, if you were to feed me, while people are watching." He growls at her, anger barely in check.

"Exactly!" Temari exclaims, grinning at him triumphantly.

"Ugh! Never mind, I'm going back to sleep. Just leave the plate here if you have any mercy left in you." Shikamaru lies down, exasperated. Not in the mood for Temari's antics.

"Aww, don't be like that, here, just one bite? Please?" Temari leans in for the kill, her elbow resting on his chest, a devious smirk on her lips. Shikamaru could not help but blush at the way Temari was leaning down on him, her breath tickling his neck, despite being troublesome, he had to admit, Temari was one hell of a woman.

"Ehem"

The effect is immediate. The two of them stiffen up. Temari slowly distances herself away from her prey. Shikamaru sits up slowly, careful not to injure his right hand.

"Gaara"

"Kazekage-sama."

"Am I interrupting?"

"Yes."

"No."

Shikamaru scowls at Temari, she smiles back playfully.

"Is there something I should know…?" Gaara asks, a hint of unease in his expression.

Temari leans back in her pallet and laughs her head off. Shikamaru shakes his head negatively, smiling at the kazekage sheepishly.

"Don't worry Gaara, me and him would never happen. The guy's a chauvinist pig. The laziest and most annoying person I know, I'd most likely kill him than end up with him." She chokes out between laughs, her body shaking with mirth.

"She's right, your sister's bossy, annoying, and too troublesome to be with. With all due respect Kazekage-sama, I'd rather die than be with your sister." Shikamaru exhales, his voice tinged with sarcasm, clearly annoyed by her laughter.

"Whatever." Gaara says neutrally, though with a bit of relief, if you know him well enough, Shikamaru notes.

"Sister, I need you to come with me to the command tent, we'll be meeting with some of our officers, and I may need your input."

"Okay, lead the way, Gaara." She sighs.

Gaara gives Shikamaru a nod of farewell and heads toward the exit. Temari slowly gets up to follow. As Gaara walks out of earshot, she bends down and whispers. "You got lucky crybaby."

"Go to hell."

Gaara exits the tent, soon followed by Temari.

Shikamaru stares at the exit and exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding. He slumps back in his cot, relief evident on his features. _Finally, some peace and quiet._

"Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru groans and turns toward the exit. Eyebrows raised in annoyance.

Temari, half hidden by the tent flap, hand pointing.

"Eat it while it's hot. Get well soon, lazy. Take care."

He glances to his right and sees the mush they call 'food' and nods at her in thanks.

She gives him a dazzling smile, all teeth, and disappears from view.

He shakes his head, takes the plate and spoon with his left hand, a smile now playing on his face.

"Troublesome."

**AN - whew... i dunno where this came from... i think i was half-asleep when i wrote this totally random fic, but i think it's kinda sweet... anyway, watcha guys think? reviews make me smile :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chouji knows he is screwed. He walks around Konoha aimlessly, trying to get himself out of the funk he's in. He tries his best to think of a solution to his problem, but fails to see any way out, a way out that preserves his dignity that is.

He sighs miserably and looks down at his feet as he continues trudging down the street. Hoping a solution presents itself in front of him. And soon.

_Stupid client... Stupid land lady... _

Today was the 15th. The agreed upon payday. It was a Class B mission, he and several genin had done it 3 days ago. He was supposed to get his share of the pay upon completion of the mission, but the client decided to pay him on the 15th instead, because, according to him, he didn't have enough money for a tip. Chouji, hoping he'd get a decent bonus for a job well done, simply let it slide. He told the client he'd be willing to wait, reassured the man he was not offended and that he wouldn't mind at all. This morning, his land lady had asked for his rent. He did not hesitate to give her all that was left of his savings( 4 days worth of food), the land lady tended to rant and complain if he didn't pay on time, since he was expecting money soon, he thought he'd be safe for at least another 5 days.

But no, fate had other plans for him. As his luck would have it, his client was found guilty of smuggling and espionage. The client was hauled away by 3 men in Anbu masks just before Chouji could get to him and ask for his money. Chouji tried to approach the client, but an Anbu member forbade him and patiently explained the circumstances of his arrest. He would still get his money, the anbu had assured him, but he would be receiving it a week too late.

He needed money now, badly. He was hungry, terribly so, and he was broke. No restaurant would feed him. Almost all of Konoha's food stalls knew him by sight; he was not allowed a tab, because of his healthy appetite. He could look for some of his friends, but he had a feeling none of them would lend him money. For some reason, he felt like they were not much better off. He would not go to his parents, not yet anyway, he decided he'd take care of himself the moment he left the house, and he would not show weakness to his family.

He stops suddenly, his feet reaching a dead end. He turns his head up to find himself standing in front of a door.

_This is Shikamaru's apartment…_

He smiles and berates himself. Of course, he was never in that much of a slump, he had his best friend, and he would never abandon him.

He checks his watch and sighs, it was 8 o'clock. 3 hours too early in Shikamaru time. He'd have to let himself in, Shikamaru often wakes up around 11 or 12 if he doesn't have a mission or appointment, and Chouji knows where the spare key is hidden.

_3__rd__ pot to the right… yep… there we go…_

Chouji inserts the key, twists the door knob open and silently enters the apartment, careful not to make too much noise.

He stiffens in surprise the moment he enters the living room. Sounds of activity coming from the kitchen and the smell of breakfast assault his senses.

_Shikamaru's awake? And making breakfast?_

He gets over his surprise and walks slowly towards the kitchen, head now in the clouds. Nose working on overdrive.

_Bacon. Eggs. And… maple syrup? Cinnamon? pan cakes? Oh Joy…_

He reaches the kitchen and is instantly released from his trance. The person in front of the stove was NOT Shikamaru. She was holding the frying pan and trying to flip one of the pan cakes, humming while doing so. She wore her dusky blonde hair up in a ponytail, neck glistening with sweat. She's wearing a fishnet shirt with a black bikini bra underneath, showcasing perfectly tanned skin, and curves that would make Ino blush with envy, she has on too short checkered shorts, displaying an indecent amount of leg.

_Wait… aren't those boxers?_

He blushes, heat reaching to the tips of his ears. Despite his embarrassment, he could not look away. He couldn't help but admire the beautiful creature standing in front of him, oblivious of his presence.

A roar suddenly disturbs the tranquil scene. Temari whirls around and yelps in surprise. She fumbles with her frying pan and cusses under her breath. She looks at him, mild annoyance and puzzlement on her face.

Chouji feels his face heat up as another blush threatens to consume him. He looks down, awkward, and shyly pats his stomach.

"Sorry bout that, the food smelled so appetizing, my stomach couldn't help itself." He smiles at her nervously.

"You're Chouji right?" she asks after a pause, tilting her head a bit, she gives him a smile. "Want some breakfast?"

"I'd love to!" he exclaims, his discomfort obliterated by her invitation.

He sits in his usual spot as Temari passes him a plate, he helps himself to some eggs, a few strips of bacon, and 3 pancakes. Enough for a light breakfast.

He smiles at her and digs in. She smiles back and goes back to her cooking.

"So… Chouji? What brings you here?" she asks, giving him a glance.

_I should be asking that question…_

"I was out of money, I dropped by hoping Shikamaru had some extra on him. I know where he keeps his spare key so I just let myself in." He doesn't inquire about her; she is feeding him after all, and he would come off sounding ungrateful.

"I see" she replies, attention on the pan. "Shikamaru's still sleeping. Tried to wake him up a while ago, but couldn't get any response. Lazy ass probably won't leave his bedroom until noon. Could you wake him up please? Bring him here so he can eat." She phrases it like a request, but it comes off as a command.

Chouji gladly complies, years spent with Ino has conditioned him to obey without question.

He walks into Shikamaru's bedroom and gives him a nudge. After several attempts, he finally gets to wake him up.

Shikamaru grumbles, a string of incoherent words pouring out of his mouth, he slowly pulls himself to a sitting position, irritation evident on his face, drool present at the corners of his mouth. He looks at Chouji menacingly. "This better be good." He growls.

"Temari's in the kitchen cooking breakfast. She wants you up." He replies patiently, used to his best friends early morning mood.

"What?" Shikamaru asks, irritation now mixed with confusion. "Did you say Temari? What's she doing here?"

Chouji raises an eyebrow at his best friend. "This is your apartment, I thought you'd know."

Shikamaru stands up slowly, muttering all the while. He ties up his hair and looks for a clean shirt and a pair of pants. Shikamaru sleeps in his boxers.

"Go on ahead, Chouji, tell her I'll be there in a minute," Shikamaru waves at him, pulling a black shirt on.

"M'kay," he replies and sets off towards the kitchen, eager to return to his meal.

He sees Temari standing at the counter, making coffee. He gives her a friendly smile.

"He's coming."

He takes a seat and turns back to his meal. Temari is kind enough to pass him a cup of coffee and he thanks her. They share a peaceful moment together, eating breakfast and drinking coffee.

The atmosphere is broken when they hear a scuffling sound, the sound of feet dragging on the floor, accompanied by an exaggerated yawn.

"Woman, why are you here?" he drawls, voice thick with sleep.

Shikamaru walks towards them, takes a seat, looks around the kitchen, and stares dumbly at Temari. An aura of indifference wrapped around his person. To anyone but Chouji, it would seem like Shikamaru was half-awake, mind barely present. But Chouji knows otherwise, Shikamaru's eyes are bright, curiosity and amusement burning in its depths.

Temari makes a face at his best friend and shrugs. "Kankurou and I finished a mission early, Konoha was en route, since we didn't have any missions waiting for us at home, we decided to take a few days off here, to reward ourselves."

"Which explains why you're here, in my apartment, cooking breakfast," Shikamaru raises an amused eyebrow at her "and wearing my underwear."

Temari scoffs at Shikamaru, and sips at her coffee, unperturbed. "I don't want to waste money on an inn and I didn't pack any extra clothing. My kimono's a mess, so I washed it and let it hang in your bathroom. I snooped around and found these," she gestures at her, or rather, his, shorts, "I find your boxers quite comfortable. Anyway, I cooked you breakfast to thank you for your hospitality, be grateful now and shut up."

Shikamaru smiles at her and grabs a plate, piling food on it without breaking eye contact. They both held each other's gazes, waiting for the other to break off, as if it were some sort of contest.

Chouji couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he disappeared the moment Shikamaru entered the room. He suddenly felt like an intruder, the proverbial third wheel. His goal now forgotten, replaced by a desire to leave the room without anyone noticing. He tries to speak, to interrupt, and a sound between a cough and a squeak comes out.

Shikamaru blinks and turns to look at him, puzzled, "Chouji, sorry bout that buddy, what brings you here this early?"

Chouji sighs in relief, glad his friend asked. "I needed your help, Shikamaru, I ran out of money, and I was wondering if you had any extra left with you. I promise I'll pay you back next week." He looks at his best bud pleadingly.

Shikamaru grimaces and looks at him apologetically. "I'm sorry buddy, but I'm running on empty too. Had to pay the bills last week, I've been crashing at my parents place for meals these last few days. I have no idea where all this food came from; my fridge is almost always empty." Shikamaru shoots a questioning glance at Temari.

Chouji looks down; disappointed but not surprised, missions were kind of rare these days.

"I brought groceries; I didn't want to burden you." Temari chips in a reply. "How much do you need anyway, Chouji?"

Chouji glances at her shyly and whispers the amount. Embarrassed at how much money he spends a week just on food.

"Oh, okay, here you go then." Temari walks over to him and hands him a roll of bills.

Chouji gapes at her in surprise, unsure as to how he should respond. He looks at Shikamaru for help.

Shikamaru just shrugs at him nonchalantly, "The girl's a princess."

"Don't call me that." Temari scowls.

"Are you sure?" Chouji asks, "I mean, Is it really okay? I don't want to cause you trouble Temari."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. Just give the money back to Shikamaru next week." She reassures him.

"Oh… okay then… thank you, for breakfast and for your help, Temari, I really appreciate it." Chouji bows to her in gratitude, truly grateful. He stands up and gives the two of them a nervous glance. Still uncomfortable "Um… Anyway, maybe I should go, I don't want to intrude on you guys…" he says, his words barely audible.

"Its fine Chouji, you weren't intruding on anything." Shikamaru looks at him oddly, wondering at his friend's shy demeanor.

"Yep, you can stay and hang out if you like." Temari adds in.

"Uhh… No, don't mind me, I know you guys haven't seen each other for weeks, and you guys probably can't wait to be alone together. I don't want to take up your time, when you'd rather much spend it… doing something else." Chouji replies awkwardly, a pink hue now visible on his cheeks.

Both Shikamaru and Temari stare at him. Faces blank, devoid of any emotion. A weird silence descends upon them and Chouji squirms in his spot. Wishing he could just run off to somewhere, anywhere.

Shikamaru blinks several times and clears his throat, breaking the silence.

"It's not like that at all Chouji, Temari and I, we're just friends." He states, voice smooth and calming, as if he were talking to one of his academy students when correcting mistakes.

"Damn straight, ugh, I think I just puked in my mouth." Temari gags, a sour expression on her face, as if she really did throw up in her mouth.

"Must be the food, you know you can't cook to save your life. " Shikamaru mutters darkly, loud enough for all to hear.

Temari stiffens in response and pokes Shikamaru's chest. "I'll have you know I've been practicing! Gaara and Kankurou have been helping me a lot. They've been really supportive, not like some chauvinistic pig I know!" she yells, her voice deeply aggravated.

"I'm surprised you're not in prison, woman. Poisoning your own kage is considered treason you know." Shikamaru shot back.

"Um, guys, I really should be going. I think I hear Ino calling me…" _Three blocks away…_Chouji butts in anxiously, before Temari retaliates, hoping someone would give him leave.

"Sure, go ahead buddy, say hi to Ino for me." Shikamaru replies absently, his face contorted in exasperation, attention wholly on Temari.

Chouji tries to get Temari's attention to no avail, her cheeks are slightly red and she looks as if she's ready to pounce. It looked like they've had this argument before, and Chouji did NOT want to keep score.

Chouji decides to leave the apartment immediately, before the argument escalates, he says another Thank you at Temari's direction before leaving. He reaches the street and sighs in relief, his problem now solved; he looks back at the apartment in sympathy and bewilderment. He wasn't really an expert in relationships, but he could call himself an expert in all things Shikamaru. Though the thing between his best bud and Temari remains a mystery to him, he knows all too well that his best friend's troubles are just beginning.

**AN - this one came out okay. only revised this once, so not sure if i got rid of all the typos and whatnot. Anyway, after I wrote this, i figured i'd do a series of one shots where shikamaru or temari or both flirt or whatever while a friend/family member is present, and the observer becomes aware of something going on, but the two vehemently deny... or something like that... yeah... reviews are joy**


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